From Tiny Seed to Newborn

Dear Diary,

This week was a rollercoaster of emotions. I finally had my follow up midwife appointment after the anatomy scan. The baby has ten fingers and ten toes! The baby's brain looks good and the spine seems to be developing appropriately. My midwife said there were no concerns from an anatomical standpoint. Then she paused and my heart sank. My stomach churned and I had to grip the chair tightly, silently praying there was no ‘but’...

She asked if I was eating enough. I was confused. I had been eating much more than I ever used to. None of my clothes fit anymore and I was trying my best to eat somewhat healthy while still enjoying the summer. I told her all this. She nodded and said "It's most likely nothing to be worried about.” So, now I was worrying. 

The baby was measuring in the 22nd percentile. She said typically we see babies around the 50th percentile at this stage of pregnancy. I tried to hold the tears back. Had I done something wrong? Was this my fault? I’m sure she could read all these thoughts and emotions clearly on my face, because she immediately told me this is not a huge red flag. She said sometimes babies are just genetically small. I took a deep breath, nodded and tried to think logically. I was a small baby. I was only 5lbs and 11 ounces at birth. I was even 5 days late and my mom had to have a C-section.

“This could be nothing.” The gears in the back of my mind were already turning - and by turning, I mean freaking out.

In the end, my midwife said we would continue to monitor the baby's growth, heartrate, etc. It could be that genetically I am predispositioned to have small babies, or it could be that the baby isn’t getting enough access to the umbilical cord. In addition, I found out I have an anterior placenta, which is why I haven't felt any kicks yet. Another disappointment. Everyone around me is constantly asking me if I’ve felt anything, if the baby is active, if they have a routine yet. I just keep quietly repeating that I don’t know, I can’t feel anything yet. I was told I most likely won’t feel anything until closer to 26 weeks. I’m trying not to be upset, but I just feel like I’m missing out.

Regardless, we have lots of exciting things coming up! The gender reveal is less than two weeks away (and still so much to do!). We are also planning on having a half-baked photo session and making a little video for a baby announcement to post on social media and send to friends and family that still don’t know. While I am still worried in the back of my mind, I’m trying to focus on these exciting parts instead!

Any suggestions on baby registry items? I still haven’t started… eeek!

Until next week,

B.