Growing Life: A Week-by-Week Look at the First Trimester

Dear Diary,

Whew, this first trimester is really kicking my ass. Between the constant nausea,

the emotional rollercoasters and the insane bloating, I feel like I’m stuck in a body

I can’t control it. Don’t get me wrong, I am so grateful for this miracle. But how on

Earth, do all these women go to work every day for 9 months?!

As we near the end of the first trimester, my insecurities have taken up so much

more space in my mind. Constantly feeling like I’m not enough, I’m not being

productive, my body isn’t ‘attractive’ anymore... I feel like I’m always asking my

husband if he still loves me, even though I know he does. It’s not that anything has

changed between us, but in my mind, I keep thinking about all the horror stories

I’ve heard of cheating, infidelity, changes in feelings during pregnancy. I woke up

in the middle of the night, heart pounding, from a nightmare of my husband

finding another woman, and woke him up, needing to hear the reassurance in his

voice that this would never happen.

I can’t tell if it’s the hormones, the over-emotional side of me, the childhood

insecurities, or all of it mixed in one. But I really hope this subsides once we enter

the second trimester. I feel like I’m at the point where no one can tell I’m pregnant,

and it’s too soon to announce it to everyone, so maybe the insecurity just feels

overwhelming and secretive? Whatever the case, I hope it goes away…

Another new experience, we have our NIPT testing coming up very shortly! This is

a series of genetic testing done through bloodwork to detect possibilities of

chromosomal defects in the fetus. I’m sure a new wave of anxiety will hit me while

we wait for those results to come in. I’m just so thankful to have a support system

to get me through all this turbulence.

Did you feel like this during your pregnancy? Is this normal? Does it ever go away?

B.