Healthy Love Isn't Boring, It Is Safe

When we think we understand what love is as a teen it is something we learn firsthand on our own. Those toxic relationships or relationships that are more like friends are all some of us know exists. Or looking up to our parents together or not, it is confusing because there is no guide to what love looks like. But what we do know and hopefully learn is what is right and what is not. 

For myself my first proper relationship was toxic. Constant wondering and question marks swimming around my head. Never feeling secure. And funnily enough I didn't get into another relationship until four years later. Which to some is a long time, maybe to others not. I didn't go out and choose this but I did choose to not ever go back to that type of relationship ever again. For the first few years it destroyed my perception of a romantic relationship and created lots of trust issues. I wasn't going to settle for anything less than what I had seen others had and my parents which I am so grateful for.

And very lucky for me, a certain someone spawned into my life. Someone who I wasn't looking for, especially when living in a different city and generally happy doing my own thing. It came out of nowhere. People always said that when you least expect someone will come, I never believed it till it happened to me. 

It wasn't easy, I was way too cautious, closed off and actually not a great version of myself at all. It took me months to be fully ‘myself’. To open up and feel stable. I was constantly waiting for ‘something bad to happen’. And it never did. If there was the smallest issue I would cling onto it for either a reaction or to validate that it is just 'another toxic relationship'. 

This person was patient and kind to me all the way. I was understood but learnt to not brush everyone with the same stick. And I let go. I trusted in his words which was scary. I let go of everything I already knew and just took this relationship for what it was. Healthy. 

I am aware that my first relationship after being single for so long and moving on from a bad relationship is lucky. I have to remind myself that just because there are no fireworks and craziness doesn't mean that the relationship is boring, it is safe. It is a happy, healthy and fun place to be. I get to be around the person who I know is always there no matter what for a giggle and a little cry. As young people we think that it'll all work out like the movies but maybe it is time to stop chasing unhealthy love and focus on choosing love that makes us better.