Pregnant Pauses: The Unspoken Weight of Human Emotion

Dear Diary,

Who knew pregnancy would lead to me not being able to hold in my tears of frustration and anger? I’ve always been an emotional person (ie. that girl who cries when she’s angry), but my God am I a wreck now with these additional hormones. My husband and I went to the city this weekend to attend a convention for parents-to-be. I’ve been looking forward to this since I found out I was pregnant and had bought the tickets months ago. There was promised to be free samples, presentations and a huge space for us to explore the world of parenting and baby products. It took us over an hour to find parking. We were being redirected every time we found a parking lot and ended up having to park and

walk 20 minutes in the cold. Once we arrived, we waited in line... for over 3 hours. We were almost at the front of the line, when the people behind us started saying they were not letting in any additional people. Apparently, the venue had reached capacity. Immediately, I could feel the frustration building up. Hundreds, and I mean hundreds, of pregnant women were furious. There must have been at least a thousand attendees waiting in line from the start of the day. I asked a worker and I was told I could either keep waiting until the end of the day, or try again next time. It wasn’t about the convention, the free samples, or the money I spent on these tickets. It was just the pure lack of consideration for all these pregnant women, standing on their feet for hours and hours, only to be told we weren’t

getting in.

But more than that, it was because this was the one day I had planned to spend with my husband, enjoying this period of our lives where we looked at strollers, baby clothes, car seats and anything else.

We haven’t had a chance to do anything together to really celebrate and get ready for this baby and it felt like it was all being ripped away from me. Looking back, I know it wasn’t a big deal. But at that moment, all I wanted to do was scream and cry. It felt like all the emotional regulation I had learned and built up in my life had vanished. This was a new hurdle I was still trying to navigate. At work, at home, in public, I had to make sure I was able to keep my emotions at bay.

Maybe this is a me issue? I’ve talked to other pregnant women and they say they had emotions, but not like I’ve been feeling. Not like tidal waves that consume me in an instant and then bubble down into something different altogether. Are there any tips from people who felt similar things? Am I going crazy?

Until next week,

B.