Safe Foods, Strong Feelings: An Autistic Perspective on Eating

Hello besties, 

Quote of the day: “You do not need permission to be extraordinary.”

Be you. The true version, the extraordinary version, and do not apologise for it, because you do not need permission

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Can we talk about food for a second? Not in a cute “what’s your favourite meal” kind of way, but in the real, slightly uncomfortable, way that does not always get understood.

Because if you are autistic, food is not always just… food.

It is the texture. It is the smells. It is the temperature. It is whether something is slightly different than last time in a way no one else seems to notice but your brain absolutely does. It is the way one bite can be completely fine, and the next one makes your whole body go “nope” for reasons you cannot even explain properly.

And people do not always get that.

From the outside, it can look like you are just being “picky.” Like you are difficult, or dramatic, or refusing to try new things for no reason. You hear it a lot— “just try it,” “you will like it,” “you are overthinking it.” And you kind of wish it were that simple, because that would mean you could just switch it off.

But it is not a preference most of the time. It is a reaction.

Like when a texture is wrong and it is not just “I don’t like this,” it is “I physically cannot deal with this in my mouth without wanting to gag.” Or when a smell hits you too strongly and suddenly your appetite just disappears completely. Or when foods that are supposed to be the same are not quite the same, and now your brain does not trust it anymore.

And that loss of trust with food? That is a big one.

Because safe foods become really important. Not just in a “I like eating this” way, but in a “this feels predictable, this feels okay, this won’t suddenly turn on me” kind of way. You know what you are getting. You know how it will feel. There are no surprises.

And when something is a safe food, it is not unusual to want it over and over again. Same brand, same preparation, same everything. Because consistency matters more than variety when your brain is already dealing with so much unpredictability in other areas.

But then there is this pressure—from people, from society, from that voice you internalize, to “eat normally.” To branch out. Do not be “so picky.” And it can make something as basic as eating feel stressful.

You might sit at a table already anxious, scanning what is there, trying to figure out what you can eat without making it obvious that you are struggling. You might force yourself to try things just to avoid comments, even though your whole body is resisting it. Or you stick to what feels safe and brace yourself for the looks or the questions.

And it is tiring. Because eating is supposed to be simple, right? It is supposed to be automatic. But instead, it can feel like something you have to constantly manage.

There is also this weird guilt that can come with it. Like you are somehow doing food “wrong.” Like you should be more adventurous, more flexible, more easygoing. Especially when you see other people just… eat, without thinking twice about it.

But the thing is, your experience with food is real, even if other people do not feel it the same way.

Your sensory system just processes things differently. Stronger, sometimes. More intensely. More specifically. So of course, that is going to affect what you can and cannot eat. That is not you being difficult, that is your brain trying to protect you from overload.

And honestly? There is nothing wrong with having safe foods.

There is nothing wrong with needing consistency.

There is nothing wrong with saying, “this doesn’t work for me,” even if you cannot fully explain why.

At the same time, if you want to try new things, it is okay to do it in your own way, at your own pace. Tiny steps count. Familiar versions of new foods count. Even just smelling something or touching it before eating it, that counts too. It does not have to look like how other people do it.

And if you do not want to? That is okay as well.

You are allowed to meet your needs without forcing yourself into discomfort just to seem “normal.”

Because at the end of the day, food is not just about nutrition or variety, it is about feeling safe enough to eat at all. And that matters more than fitting into someone else’s idea of what your plate should look like.

So, if food has always been a complicated thing for you, if you have ever felt judged or misunderstood or just quietly frustrated by it all, you are not alone in that.

There are so many of us out here navigating the same thing, figuring out what works, holding onto our safe foods, and trying to be a little kinder to ourselves in the process.

And you are not “too picky.”

You are just experiencing food in a way that deserves a bit more understanding, even from yourself. 

Book of the week: House of Earth and Blood by Sarah. J Mass