The Concept is Easier

I love romcoms. They could be perceived as deluded or unreal but they make me feel hopeful. I’m a hopeless romantic, a big fan of the little stories people have of gestures or moments that are much bigger to them than it may seem to others looking in. I love seeing people fall helplessly in love or become completely absorbed in their partner. It convinces me that not every love story ends tragically, it makes me believe that true love isn’t as rare or false as the world makes it seem. It’s a genre that isn’t always appreciated because of the way it portrays romance. The unrealistic expectations and how things always end up sorting themselves out. As much as you want it to, life doesn’t follow the plot of a romcom.

Being a hopeless romantic these days seems a bit masochistic. Every hour there’s another betrayal, or heartbreak story that just seems worse than the last. People treat love as a transaction and not a mutual feeling. It begins to seem like for every success story you see, there’s always five stories that crush your desires. The media always finds a way to alter my idea of love and how it should be expressed. With the content I’ve seen spread around, it’s hard to believe in love that isn’t fictional. I love love, but do I love it or the idea of it?

The thought of being cared for and being someone so important to a person makes me giddy. Romantic love always seems to escape me and I end up experiencing fractions of relationships that turn into lessons. The moments replay in my head and make me think love might be mythical. It doesn’t help that I rarely see people with happy relationships around me too. So yes, the idea of love is appealing but the actual thing is so hard to capture.

Love and affection is one topic the world would never have an even ground on. People think they should expect less and others expect more, the definition of ‘bare-minimum’ gets lost in the wind. It’s completely convinced me to stand on the side lines and mutter an ‘aw’ or let out a gasp when I learn about the way people are shown love. A short story can convince you that you deserve more than what you’re already content with, or make you feel like there’s no point deluding yourself that love is real. If we’re being honest with ourselves, not everyone can get us diamond rings or the latest cars. Love isn’t about the expensive moments though, sure we love to be doted on, but if it’s all about the gifts it’s no longer love. What we see online will contort our understanding of love. Most times they’re right but then it folds into outrageous requests or demands that aren’t always necessary. The takeaway I’ve gotten from all of it is that love can only be real if it’s fictional. I try not to let it affect my judgement, but it’s hard not to be swayed.

The media has indoctrinated our minds to believe that love can only be romantic. I don’t think I love anyone as much as I love my sister, I doubt I ever will. When I think ‘love’ I immediately picture my family (some of them of course). The idea that I would never experience the feeling of love unless it’s with a man is honestly depressing. It is very untrue, because I love my friends, and I love my family. Regardless of how special romantic love is, platonic love is just as quite unique. So many people in my life have made me feel special,

and I won’t overlook the feeling I get in my chest when I’m with them because it isn’t ‘romantic’. If I ever get asked I would say I have experienced love. I’ve loved and have been loved.

Another thing people forget is that love can be fleeting. Just because I love someone now doesn’t mean I’ll love them forever. The fear of not loving someone till the end makes me skeptical all the time. Everyone wants endless love, but we’re not always lucky to have that. I love romcoms because they make it seem like after the end everyone stays together, like love is infinite. In real life you don’t get to kiss someone and say ‘Happily Ever After’, you have to go through the ups and downs and put in even more effort. It scares me that one day the person I’ve connected with on a deep level will decide they don’t feel the same way. It’s even more terrifying to think that I may be the one to make someone so broken. Yes, love is beautiful, but the idea is much more addicting than the actual thing. With the idea you can believe whatever you want and imagine it going whichever way you decide. Relying on that isn’t enough though, no matter how love ends, the moments still linger and the feeling that comes with it will almost always bring a smile to your lips. I’m willing to be broken if it means I got to love, I want more than just the concept.

Written by, Amina Abdulkareem