The Normalisation of Misogyny Within Male and Female Friendships

I’ve had my fair share of friendships with guys in my time. Despite the unnecessary discourse around whether these friendships should even exist, I’ve always viewed friendships between men and women with neutrality.

Friendship is friendship, and it should remain such, regardless of gender.

However, I’ve noticed an unfortunate pattern within either my own friendships with guys, or experiences I’ve heard from others. That being the case of a lot of men, though not all, viewing women as either objects to be desired, verbal punching bags and receivers of casual misogyny, or individuals completely stripped of their femininity.

It’s not impossible to have a friendship with the opposite gender that falls into none of these categories, and those friendships are certainly to be cherished, however, there is a common toxicity in many cases that is rarely ever acknowledged, unless the lack of boundaries begins to infringe on romantic relationships, which is a separate issue entirely.

Unfortunately, many of these friendships lack the one thing that truly allows platonic relationships, or any relationship for that matter, to thrive: respect. 

One thing that has always ruined my friendships with guys is as aforementioned, a lack of

boundaries. Though this has never been because a male friend has perceived me as anything more than platonic, it has been because of blatant disrespect disguised as banter or honesty.

I have ignored many things in my friendships with the opposite gender, many things that I would not let slide had a female friend been the one to do or say such to me. 

It’s a sense of internalised misogyny me and many other women do not even realise we have. 

The ‘boys will be boys’ mentality has the ability to weave its way into the fabric of

friendships just as much as it does anywhere else.

I have been insulted by many of my former male friends more than I have ever been

complimented by them. Of course, that can partially be down to my dynamic with them,

however, when it is a consensus for the majority of cross-gender friendships, it becomes

more of a glaring issue.

I see a lot of women setting boundaries within their friendships with other women, labelling

this as protecting their peace, which is fully understandable, however, it is rare they even

extend this to their friendships with men, and it is unfortunate to me, that we do not hold

people to the same standard, simply because of their gender.

A ‘dynamic’ should never excuse disrespect. If you would not take it from one group of people, why take it from another? This is something I’ve had to unlearn as I’ve grown up, because truthfully, when it comes down to it, these ‘dynamics’ are a result of the patriarchy, which tells us that it is in a guy's nature to be mean to or bully those around him.It doesn’t mean you’re a pick-me, or even a misogynist for having friendships like this, rather a victim of what you were taught to perceive as being ‘normal.’

But it isn’t, and it never will be. There are limits, and it should not be okay for those limits to

be crossed, especially not by those you consider to be your friends.

Never let misogyny slide simply because it is coming from those close to you.

Written by, La’Keesha Stewart