You Are More Than Your Worst Mistake

We can study so hard, but still fail. We rehearse what to say and know what not to do, but things still come out wrong. We precisely plan for our ideal outcome, but nothing goes right. How is it that we attract the very thing we’re trying to repel? After a while, the problems don’t seem solely external. It can make anyone raise the question: What if we’re the problem? Is the bad we experience just a mirror? 

Anything in a single context is bad. If someone steals, that is an objective wrong to commit. But what if they live in poverty with kids at home? If someone cheats on a test, that stains their academic career. What if their home environment is abusive and stops them from studying? Being “bad” isn’t one-size-fits-all.

I like to think our idea of what could be a “bad” person has to do with negative manifestations of a free psyche and will, with misguided intentions, but above all, perception. Most times, there is no carelessness at play. Because we care deeply, we can handle things in unhealthy ways. You have no power over how others interpret things. At times, others view you unfavourably for one reason or another. Beyond morals, sometimes the stars just don’t align.

Truth is: You will think poorly and have bad judgment. You will feel unjust emotions. You will make mistakes. The thing that removes you from being misunderstood and being “bad” is your starting intention, and the one you have to grow and atone, if things are askew. If you are aware of your faults and make a conscious effort to do better, then you’re not a bad person. If you have no ill-intent with others, then you're not a bad person. The thing that needs work is just integration. Knowing how to marry your better knowing and healthier actions you know you are capable of into your actual reality. 

Being aligned with what is “good” comes with being unafraid. Conflict will come, but you have to have the strength to end and correct. There will be a point when you don’t do things right, but you confidently forgive yourself. Grace in the learning curve must be present to grow properly. There is so much courage in learning to master what is untamed. 

All the greatness of the world involves the use of fire. Plants need sunlight, diamonds need pressure, the most spectacular showers require steam. Even though people perceive fire as dangerous, we still consider it essential. The warmth and light it produces are necessary, although the fire's magnitude and force can escape control. Fire's unpredictability causes people to doubt its necessity and goodness. It just needs to be channeled well and appropriately.

When you’re young, you have a fire in you. It’s a collection of the joyous, free, and natural existence that dwells within. Without a proper container or outlet, you are burning without cause, making you question your necessity and goodness. Can it be contained? Is it natural? Can it be extinguished? You’re still figuring it all out. When you become unafraid of it, you can get familiar and work with it. Let there be good safety measures and trained professionals on standby in your life, but understand the heat.

The wrongness that you see in life might just be the misalignment you feel as you readjust, mixing the right elements to create the perfect flame for you. Honoring being unharmful, truly being unafraid of yourself, and having the grace to move forward is the heart of growing.

You’re not a bad person, you’re just young.

Written by, Jordan Gabrielle