Being the Older Sibling

Being the older sibling has become a trend on TikTok. Exploring what that means and what it is like.

The mental aspect to being an older sibling came with the label that I didn't realise. I have always been different from me and my sibling. And with that has come different perspectives on life too, based on who was born first. 

We share the same DNA and also love a lot of the same things: music, foods and places to visit. But our personalities, not so much. My little brother is laidback, careless and intelligent, academically. Myself I am high strung, a deep thinker in all the good ways and creative. The one thing we have in common is being driven. 

When it came to arguments at home I would be faced with “don’t worry about it” and be listened to but when it came to his problems I was there to listen and be just as frustrated as he was. Two different reactions and neither cared any less or more. He has always been there for me and so have I. 

Being the younger sibling you are dealt with a different set of parents compared to the oldest. From experience I grew up in a stricter household with: “Be home at 8pm” then my brother would stroll in from the gym at 10pm.

Generational gaps can change each other's outlook on things too. In this case technology and financial circumstances are different. The world was a different place in the 2000's than it is today. Different experience of teen years from Tumblr to Tik Tok. 

As an older sibling I’ve always felt like I have to set an example and to teach, not particularly due to my parents but something I wanted to make sure of. I never want to make my siblings feel like they are any less, just to be a role model. But this had it's doubts as I grew up and only amounted to the pressure passed on to be “a man” and "successful". There was always going to be so much nurturing you could do.

You have almost this responsibility to be constantly looking out and being there for your sibling, a protectiveness.  All these things, roles and traits that I feel like I’ve picked up being an older sibling as my job and has now carried on into my relationships with other people.

Like taking the lead and making decisions, I feel like I’m always the friend that does that. Always the person to fall back and that hasn't necessarily worked out for me. I could be viewed as strong and scary or too sensitive. When I met people I couldn't help but decide: Who I am today?

It’s always interesting because the people that are the younger siblings seem to be the laid-back ones I have found. Not all I am sure there will be some, somewhere. Partly I think this is common because when parents get to their last child they are more laid-back themselves so it only makes sense it is reflected upon them. 

Imagine if the narrative was switched? Would he still be laid-back and chill? And would I still be the high strung one? It’s a question I’d love to know the answer to. To see how the future could have looked. 

Being born first can be quite difficult as the light is shining on you first.  Feeling like a guinea pig, you know you have to be the best because you’re the first. You set the lead for everything after. Parenthood becomes relaxed. My parents have always made me feel good enough. They’ve always been there for me. They have supported me even if I did really badly at school or any decisions I have made. They support me all the way but for some reason it is this feeling niggling in your head, being the oldest that you are this representative of who the youngest should be.

Sometimes that pressure can be too much and I think that’s why I put so much pressure on myself because I feel like I have to be the best. Even though for sure I don't feel it. But we all mess up, that is normal. You could say that being a younger sibling they might feel like they have to do more because they have you to knock off the pedestal. I don’t think it’s ever felt like that for my sibling. But how would I know?

I would never change the role that I play within my brother's life because I think there’s a lot of things that I have learned from him and a lot of things that he learns from me. He brings me back down to earth and helps find the still in my life. He also motivates me to want more and want to be disciplined in life, despite his laid-backness.

It is more precious than anything else but to remember that these little responsibilities and things that I have created within my head are the reason as to why we work so well together. It is a part of my character in his life and a part that I love.  That we have such a good relationship and I wouldn’t change that as much as I would love to be the “chilled one” sometimes.