Dear Luna: Flirting, Friendship and Feeling Uncool

What do you do when a friendship starts feeling one-sided?

We have all felt we are putting a bit more effort and it is probably one of the most disheartening feelings and not something that always comes straight away. Recognising these behaviors can cause alarms and make you feel cautious when it comes to being around certain friends. Realising you are making the effort to chat, make plans and when things get tough the effort it isn't reciprocated either. The first step is to make it known you noticed this pattern. Life can get busy and this could only be a phase. So communicating either messaging or in person just with a quick not heard from you in a while, are we all good? Doesn't hurt and doesn't make you a bad friend for doubting them either. Then the challenge really happens. If nothing changes or isn't going to change after so long, start to think about pulling away and if that brings them closer. If they are taking you for granted whether it is untentional or not, step back for a little while they should start to notice. If they don't more fool them, they will lose an amazing friend. It's a tough cookie to swallow but it isn't your responsibility to maintain an entire friendship. It takes two.

What actually counts as flirting

This is different for everyone and it is hard to say. Personally I think that anything that is overly friendly and crossing a boundary is flirting especially in a relationship. The way you act around someone says a lot about intention. I think that it solely depends on the person, some people are touchy and complimentary anyway and have no meaning whatsoever.  

Why do we all suddenly become different people around certain girls?

As a woman who is beyond her 20’s this is something thankfully I don't have to deal with anymore and hopefully you won't soon. As women we evolve all the time, different styles, mindsets and phases constantly. It is difficult and so is being around others at all different times in life. These people we feel are different or aren't necessarily bad people or bad for us. They simply just don't align with us anymore. And don't feel bad for this and adapting to the new! It can be easier to be a person that adapts than to be ourselves sometimes. The main thing is when we walk away we learn from this and choose to avoid doing this again. Be transparent about who you are and communicate this. Your happiness is more important and they would want that too. 

When did being girly become uncool?

This one I completely disagree with! Who said being girly is not cool. I sure don't think so. If anything, some girls want to be the girliest we can be. And it is so good to see. Girly apartments, girls day and overall celebrating being feminine. It is such a flex to celebrate being a woman and for what it stands for now. There's so much power in being, so put those frills on, whip that scrunchie in and collect your overpriced iced latte if that is the epitome of being girly.

Is everyone secretly winging it?

From my own perspective, yes. Each of my friends have many things that look on paper as a few ticks of the checklist on Insta but as soon as we start to yap, they are just “winning it”. Not everything has to be perfect and sorted. It all takes time. And even my parents to this day have stability and all the things I crave but still don't have it all ticked off too. Because in reality it isn't realistic to have everything sorted. It is all about enjoying the chaos and having those extra special people with you along the way to wing it too.