Forgiving my Fro - Realising the Significance of My Hair

I’ve always had a weird relationship with my hair, something I think all black, and curly haired

girls go through. I’m happy to say I’ve never hated it, a privilege really, in a world that

teaches us to hate coilier hair textures, but I’ve definitely struggled to understand it.

My hair is one of the most sacred things to me, I refuse to cut it, straighten it, relax it — even

with many people trying to convince me to at around the age of ten years old — or do

anything that will permanently alter it. Yet, despite me putting my hair on a pedestal in a

sense, I still find myself becoming extremely frustrated by it.

I’ve had many instances where I’ve wanted to cry because of my hair, whether that be

because it refuses to cooperate with me, practically springing back when I try to force it into

a certain style, or because it does not at all look like the way I pictured it when getting it done

by someone else.

You would never assume doing your hair to be an emotional process, but when it comes to

something so connected to the core of your identity, it absolutely can be.

For me, my hair absolutely has the ability to make or break my day, especially when it

comes to my natural hair, which I tend to be a lot more self-conscious about.

I often see people talk about the ‘hair theory’ and I have never really taken much notice of it,

but when thinking about it, it is a real thing, particularly when you have a certain hair texture.

Hair changes how you are treated by others. It is something so bizarre to see, especially

when it contradicts how you view yourself with that hair.

Ironically, the hairstyles I have felt the most insecure about are often the hairstyles I receive

the most compliments on, particularly if I have my hair as an afro or in cornrows.

More than anything though, hair will tend to reflect and can even change how you treat and

view yourself.

I often feel as though I look more masculine whilst my hair is in an afro. There is likely a root

of slight internalised racism causing this, something many black and biracial women

experience, as our most black features are deemed masculine. But this is something I have

worked on unlearning, trying to appreciate my hair when it’s in its natural state, and allowing

it to coincide with my femininity, rather than contradict it.

Furthermore, when I was at one of the most unstable points of my life, mentally, my hair was

reminiscent of that. I left myself with half taken out braids for a good few months. I treated

my hair, how I treated myself, with little regard.

It’s proof of how intrinsic hair truly is to one’s identity, because for me as a Biracial woman, it

is a part of my identity.

However, not everyone sees it that way and respects that unfortunately. Numerous times in

primary and secondary school, I’ve had people touch my hair without my consent, or a few

times with my consent due to my naïvety. Worst of all I’ve had someone swing my braids

around, as though it were a skipping rope, which was fairly humiliating and still sticks with

me now. I can give grace and understand that this was likely a product of curiosity from

those who touched my hair, however I do also realise the unfairness and ignorance of it all,

and most of all: the normalisation of it, as I have come to find that this is an experience

shared by many other black girls and women.

Our hair may be mesmerising but it is not a spectacle nor an attraction for others enjoyment.

Hair is so much more than ‘just hair’.

As aforementioned its identity, but its also:

heritage, rebellion, creative expression, tradition, a map planning out escape routes during

slavery, an indicator of culture, and an indicator of progression, and so so much more.

So that’s why, even on those days where I find it harder to love my hair, I will always hold

appreciation for it. It has been a journey that I am honestly still on, but no matter what, my

hair will forever be important to me, and I hope you are able to embrace yours, and see how important your hair may be to you too.

Written by, La’Keesha Stewart