It is as Deep as the Grand Canyon

One thing I’ve come to despise is people dictating just how much something should bother me. Not just me though, a community as a whole. I believe people fail to realise that they aren’t going through the same patterns in life as you are. No one seems to fully grasp the concept of ‘sonder’. 

Everyone is going through a new experience every second, and yes it most likely is not an original one but it’s what they're going through. Just because I don’t find something offensive or as jarring doesn’t mean someone else wouldn’t. The phrase I loathe the most is ‘It’s not that deep’, because it is. 

It seems like a harmless phrase, not everyone purposely tries to look down on what I’m dealing with, I know this. Unfortunately it also conditions others to see a problem as less than it could be, even if it’s just a fraction. It convinces skeptics into believing I am overreacting, I am not. The idea of someone claiming to represent a whole community, especially a minority and saying, ‘as a muslim-’ or, ‘as a black person-’ and placating something obviously addressed derogatorily is unfair. Of course you wouldn’t find anything offensive about it. Of course you have every right to your own opinion and how you believe something should be perceived. Alas, you cannot expect someone who has been fed slurs for every meal of the day to look the other way when something rubs them wrong. You have no insight of what their life looks like, you have no idea why they see it as ‘that deep’ and you have no say in how another person responds to one thing.

However, not every act of retaliation should be justified or validated. This is in no way meant to downplay anybody’s trauma, no one should have to be placed under unfavorable circumstances. It still does not give anyone the right to use a wrecking ball in instances where a hammer would work fine under the pretense of having been traumatised. Not everyone is able to discern the idea that an individual can overcome hard times without becoming a difficult person or hardening to the extent where they become unfavorable characters. So naturally, whatever crime someone committed is overlooked because ‘they went through hard times’. 

The inability to equally judge and understand how intensely someone’s past experiences should alter their behaviour happens only when people assess a person they feel greatly towards. It’s difficult to see that someone they love can carry out actions that hurt others without having a valid reason, even when that reason isn’t enough. It is also hard for them to observe something that should be taken as a joke in that way because why would you dare to even make such a distasteful comment about someone who only gets praise. Likewise, the reaction to someone they can’t stand is just as strong. They begin to berate them and scrutinise everything, wondering how someone like that could have the audacity to utter such words, and dismissing whatever it is that happened to them as well.

Honestly, I think people who claim ‘it’s not that deep’ possibly couldn't fully grasp the impact something they deem so little and unimportant could be for certain people, they bring up the point of being too ‘woke’ and refuse to look past the things they have experienced or their general knowledge of what people face and judge ignorantly. The lack of empathy and the state of mind where they only back beliefs that favours them harms the narratives of many others. It sets some developments back and hinders the progress many people have strived for, but I digress.If I don't think it’s ‘that deep’ then that only applies to me. If I don't fully understand how serious a situation is I’d much prefer to educate myself, instead of making things worse. I won't leave the oppressed to fend off the wolves alone when I could shed light or awareness on the situation.

Written by, Amina Abdulkareem