‘It’s Not That Deep’ - The Internet’s Empathy Problem

‘It’s just not that deep’ — a phrase that finds its way into almost every discussion surrounding a new controversy online.

The phrase fills comment sections, with the intention of counteracting the uproar behind a situation.

Online discourse can often a kindling of misinformation, selective outrage, and a multitude of contrasting opinions, which in many cases causes almost every situation to be blown out of proportion by those engaged in the discourse, however, it can not be denied the minimising the effect behind the ‘It’s not that deep’ rhetoric.

The phrase is equally present in our real everyday lives, and when we are told the things we deeply care about are ‘not that deep’ it feels dismissive, or even condescending.

That does not change when things are online.

A recent controversy that saw the rise of this contested phrase, though maybe a slightly niche example, was a situation regarding commentary YouTuber and Tiktoker ‘FunkyFrogBait’, where they unknowingly defended another content creator known for having allegations of racism.

Of course this sparked all kinds of emotions and debates, people made comments, and

their own videos, in order to provide their opinion on the situation. However, amongst those, was the repetition of that phrase: ‘It’s not that deep.’

Now, I was personally frustrated by this, because, regardless of anyone's personal opinion

about a situation, to immediately dismiss their opinion, simply because you feel as though it

may be an over-reaction, becomes quite reductive.

The situation reminded me of the Internet’s, and in particular social media’s, problem with

empathy, or lack thereof.

Often, there is a struggle to put ourselves in others' shoes. Whilst perhaps in this particular instance, a white fan of the creator may struggle to understand the depth of the situation and the outrage behind it, a fan who is a person of colour may feel disappointed. This is often informed by the separate lived experiences of the two fans, one who has actively experienced racism and so may be hurt, and who has had less interactions with racism, and believes that there has been an overreaction. Therefore the two may not understand one another.

The same happens with discourse surrounding women and men on the internet, there is often a divide in opinions, and so, particularly when it comes to women complaining about an instance of discrimination they have faced, or perhaps a critique of the misogyny perpetuated by certain institutions and society, the term ‘It’s not that deep’ gets thrown around again.

But the thing is, just because ‘it’s not that deep’ to you, does not mean that the other person, or group’s opinion holds no weight.

Though the intention of the person using the phrase may not be one of malice, it and its variations have been historically used to minimise and invalidate people’s, very valid feelings.

What is meaningless to one person, is impactful to another.

And when a situation inevitably does affect you, the last thing you would like to be told is that

you are overreacting.

By allowing ourselves to be empathetic, we allow ourselves to acknowledge why people

interpret things the way they do, even if we don’t share that interpretation.

You don’t have to agree to be empathetic, you simply have to be open to understand.

That is what turns conversations online from arguments to meaningful discussions.

So the next time you think someone is over-reacting, take a step back and try to understand

their point of view.

Written by, La’Keesha Stewart