Pride in the In-Between

This is written for the people who don’t feel they are seen as “queer enough” to celebrate pride and be loud about their identity. Although pride is always a celebration for everyone, I want to pay special attention to those in the closet, experimenting with labels or queer people in a straight passing relationship: this is both a reminder for all of you, and myself, that queer is queer, and pride is for us too!

As someone with a very fluid sexuality and an even more complicated relationship with gender, I often struggle to let myself enter queer spaces as I'm worried I wouldn't be accepted. Recently, after almost 2 years of hesitating, I met some friends in the LGBTQ+ lounge in my university. And yes, it was a lovely space, with lovely people, but I still felt… weird? I am very, and have been for years, proud and confident in myself as a queer person but I'm still constantly on edge that someone may feel that I don't belong in these spaces because of how I present myself externally. If you add that, my nightly worry to join a queer writing group, despite it sounding like a place I would absolutely thrive in, and years of sitting in-between, this feeling starts to become heavy.

Although I likely would be welcome with open arms in all of these spaces, this has become a personal fear of mine, and I know for many others, that I might not deserve my place in the community some of the time. Where does this come from? Will we ever really know? 

But there is somewhere we can start, as with most social issues and stereotypes. The good old media. Bisexual women especially are often shown as “trying to be quirky” or just experimenting, even more so when they are in a straight passing relationship. Or the fashion stereotype of gender. Non-binary people, especially in TV, traditionally have that androgynous look nailed down, making it difficult for non-binary people who do not choose to present in this way to feel validated, have their pronouns used correctly or feel comfortable in queer spaces. 

What about two queer people in a straight-passing relationship? Or just one person in a similar dynamic? Or people under the trans+ umbrella that are not fully out or do not present the way society expects them to? That doesn't take anyone’s identity away, and everyone still deserves to be confident in presenting and advocating for themselves in whatever way works best. But a lot of us do have that mental block because of stereotypes and our own perception of how we need to “fit in” to be accepted. 

The first step to tackling that, even on a small level, is talking about this. I know I'm not the only one who feels like this, hence why it felt so important to write this. A large part of LGBTQ+ pride in general is community which is such a beautiful thing in so many ways. It can help us find role models to look up to, get advice, make long lasting connections and overall help us feel more accepted and valid in our own identities and experiences. 

So, you know what, I am going to go to that writing group later this week and I will sit in the LGBTQ+ lounge as and when I want to. This doesn’t mean my feelings from before will suddenly disappear but it's a step in the right direction, just in time for Pride Month!

Written by, Charley Sands