Stop Watering Dead Flowers

Growing up doesn't come without its repercussions, we change and others change. But is growing up to blame or is it effort? And what is a substantial amount of communication?

We all work in weird and wonderful ways and view the world differently. A message once a week maybe someone's too much or the next too little. Creating a divide, where priorities change and where we stand with others too. 

Some can't help but think that less effort to ask questions, ask to meet up or effort into the internet world defines how good a relationship or friendship is. 

Are you telling me if someone you know hasn't posted about their partner or friend in a while, you assume that they aren't in each other's lives? That is a part of social media up for discussion another day. 

But back to those questions, do these feelings occur when effort changes and becomes noticed or simple a message to let go. As humans we like to hold onto the potential and see the good but why can't we just see things for what it is?

Not seen them in six months without a check up. Are we supposed to assume we aren't involved in their life? When do we say no to elongating the inevitable?

How do we know when to draw the line, is it subjective? 

To realise we are watering dead flowers is a feeling of being rejected, scared and lost. It can also be a type of grief we don't necessarily expect in life. People always say “people come and go” or “some are just for season”. That doesn't take away the feelings of loss and confusion. I feel as well even for myself. I just thought that it wouldn't happen to me. That those important people wouldn't leave and this picture of my future, it wouldn't be a thought that they wouldn't be in it. 

I have lost connections with people that are on different paths or have simply chosen to lose contact from their end. We are both living our lives and just trying to survive at this point. As much as I have had my moment being sad about this, thinking it is out of my control and I did the most I could to help to heal those wounds of dismissal. 

The idea of people fading out of your life is something scary and no one wants to experience. Accepting they don’t always have to be a permanent part in our lives is even harder, but I promise you will get there. 

It doesn’t disregard how much time and effort there was or the memories you’ve made because they are what you needed at the time whether that was for fun, laughs, cries or adventures. One another's environments change and it can feel forced when you are in two completely different places. 

You feel like you have to go out with them because you work with them or they’re on your course or are friends that you live with. And some of these bloom and evolve to different chapters but some simply don't. And what's stopping sending a message or sending something that reminded you of them all that time ago?

When you make (what you don't realise are) surface level friendships it can be quite disheartening and for someone who is quite deep and wants meaningful connections. The feeling that this could be short lived after being so invested in one another. You can have them in your life but you don’t have to put your heart and soul into it if the connection isn’t there.

Sometimes we cling onto people because we’ve known them for so long or we shared so much with them. We build a mutual respect and expectation from them, when that subsides it can hurt. But think of it as a little locket where you’ve made memories together. Those secrets, insecurities shared and laughs, all of the amazing things that you created within those friendships. They will always still be there and no one can take that away from either of you.  They just won’t be new, they’ll just be present within us and they will keep them too.

Remember once, they put the effort in to see you, to spend time with you, to listen to you and give their time to you at the end of the day. It goes both ways and even though the flower may have died. The flower can come back but it’s all absolutely okay for it to go for now.

Whilst we’re putting effort into things that are as worthwhile as others we are losing sight of the things that we need to put the effort into. 

And you can decide what that is.