The DARE Method – The Best Anxiety Aid There Is, From Someone Who Truly Understands the Beast

My very dear best friend Charlotte, aka Stuart, put me onto Barry McDonagh and his great works in anxiety and panic attack support. Something we both suffered from since our young teens, many opportunities and ‘normal’ teenage experiences were overtaken by our minds treating life like we were constantly chased by bears in remote forests. We’ve both tried various methods of treating our anxiety, and I must say I’m forever thankful to Charlotte for making me aware of the Dare method, but also for being a true inspiration. Charlotte is living proof that anxiety is not impossible to overcome, and even how its possible to switch the relationship of control over your life versus anxiety; I’m extremely proud to have been and continue to be a passenger and watch how far and brilliantly she has flourished, and although anxiety can rear its ugly head every now and again, she has proved that there is always power and greatness is adjusting your own sails and taking control of the wheel. At the time we met, I never had anyone in my life who fully understood the feelings I had and how much they bombarded my life, and she still is the one who I know I could just say one word, and she’ll grasp who the visitor is. We always reminisce at how far we’ve come from when we first met at sixth form, although I feel like I’ve known her my entire 23 years of life, and I think it's very important to not bury our heads in the sand for the years, months, days that anxiety did control our life, but instead look at how it’s part of the foundation to who we are, how we treat others and why success tastes ever so much sweeter. I’m so thrilled to see what the future holds for us both. But damn, she did that. Six minute standing ovation for the wonderful Charlotte.

Firstly, buy this book, I think it's well worth your time and emotions whether anxiety is dominant in your life, or a loved one. It offers so much brilliant advice and information that is as good as therapy, and it'll be by your side forever, in those moments of need. It’s £14.13 on Amazon in paperback form, or you can have it in audio form also. There is also an amazing app called ‘Dare Response’, which is the perfect go to in those times of need, especially when a panic attack begins to show its presence. 

Around two years since Charlotte introduced me to Barry McDonagh’s work in my living room, his book ‘DARE: the new way to end anxiety and stop panic attacks’ has been a constant and a dear hug and hand hold of support ever since. The book opens with a quote from William G.T Shedd that has become my favourite and greatly encapsulates the details of the book ‘A ship is safe in harbour, but that’s not what ships are for’. The tying theme to the book, and the support is allowing you to leave the harbour, take control of your sails and begin or continue the adventure of life. It also includes an illustration at the beginning of a map titled ‘Dare, the journey’, which references the land of anxiety, journeys of setbacks through the sea of challenge to the land of recovery. A small detail I love is his reference to sailing and at the bottom of each page, as you go through the book, the image of the ship moves also – I love little comforting details like this, a small reminder of the journey you’re on. 

McDonagh writes his own experience of anxiety, the journey to healing and moments from his coaching of others who deal with the debilitating beast. I personally greatly appreciate McDonagh's personable tone and approach to the book, as I’ve found a great way to keep your feet on the ground in bad anxious episodes is not feeling the only one, you’re not abnormal or wrong for having these emotions. It’s immensely comforting to hear other peoples experience with something that can feel so alienating. The opening sentence to the preface chapter staggered me with great emotion and comfort, ‘when you want to escape your own mind and body, it feels like there’s nowhere to run. I know how that feels. I’ve been there’. I knew I was in the right hands.

From the contents you can see the adventure the book takes you on, and the approach McDonagh will take, he knows exactly what an anxious mind does and the thoughts it impedes. It’s refreshing to read a self-help book that isn’t berating or just telling you to ‘push on’ through bad episodes, I’ve come to the realisation that those people never really had the full chock hold of anxiety, because if I could just ‘push on’ through horrendous anxiety episodes, do you really think I’d be reading a self-help book? No comprende. 

The DARE approach has great success rates, not only is Barry McDonagh himself a true example of it, but the people he has coached also, which he details in the book about where they were prior and after his coaching. I specifically love and have found the acrostic meaning to DARE; Defuse, Allow, Run toward and Engage. This has been an immediate phrase that I repeat when I feel my progress has halted, as it’s a step by step process and some hold you for longer than others. There's no quick fix. 

A specific piece of advice which has completely altered my relationship with my anxiety, has been the labelling and reaction to the anxiety arising, instead of it being the enemy, it’s a visiting friend. As I know from experience, the more you are angry and try to suppress the anxiety, it actually makes it worse and triggers the bad thoughts about yourself, which just adds greatly to the awful situation already happening. Instead, acknowledging the friend visiting and inviting it to sit with you stabilises the emotions and allows you to take the time to stop and calm yourself, and have found it begins to disengage quicker than if I was to suppress it. However, when you're in an anxiety triggering situation there and then, like in the airport, it's far more difficult to stop what you're doing and resetting for a while, and McDonagh does acknowledge this and writes on it also, the visiting friend is always the ideal but not always the reality. This is where the acronym for FEAR comes in handy (and the Dare Response app!); Feeling Excited And Ready. As anxiety is a feeling of protection and can make mistakes in making you feel phallically and mentally on edge, when really it's apprehension – but that’s not a bad thing at all, or a reason to be scared about the future. 

My main anxiety symptom is physical, in comes in rashes, vomiting, stomach pain, tight chest, headaches, shakiness and fatigue, and I’ve found a toxic cycle of when these symptoms show for other reasons such as a bug or chronic digestive conditions, where symptoms mirror my anxiety, they trigger each other. This is one of the hardest parts of my anxiety, as I find it most debilitating as it's not just anxiety, it also makes me feel physically unwell. McDonagh does include advice for this also, which is once again refreshing. A huge one that I’ve found most useful is that I’m not the only one, I’m not being dramatic and I can both distract and allow the anxiety to pass through simultaneously. So, when I feel the physical symptoms come on, I know my friendly visitor and accept them but I distract my mind with things I enjoy, from colouring, painting, reading, comfort TV shows (mine is real housewives or ratatouille) or phoning a friend. It stops my anxiety getting the spade and digging itself into my mind permanently, I tend to feel the physical sensations wear off also as my anxiety isn’t centre stage in my head. 

My favourite chapter is ‘Give up fearing these situations’, which entails the ‘what if’ situations, where overthinking goes into overdrive, and how the ‘what ifs’ are the the driving force of situational anxiety, which leads to the fear imbedding and attaching itself to that idea or situation. He also gives a great list of ‘out’s’ if you do need to take off in those situations, so you always have a plan B if A just doesn’t work out that day, so your overthinking is done for you here. It also goes into a deep dive into typical and common situational anxieties, from driving, insomnia, flying, toilet phobia, socially trapped and morning anxiety (and plenty more topics). The segment on flying and the fear of having a panic attack where there is physically no escape is very poignant to me, yes having a panic attack may be uncomfortable whilst in the air, but it's not life threatening by any means, and how to use the Dare response on the flight if those feelings crop up. This is why I like to have a dedicated notebook, pocket sized, to scribble and note advice from the book, so I have it in shorthand for situations where I know anxiety is lurking. 

The end of the book also goes into nutritional advice, which is very helpful too, as well as the process of recovery, which coincides with the sailing metaphor once again. 

I think the best way to truly see if my words meet expectations is to read the book, and I’m sure you’ll come to the same conclusion. I truly couldn’t recommend the book and the DARE method more, and I’ve introduced it to so many people since reading it myself, and I know so many more would appreciate it too. It should really be on the NHS website truth be told. 

Forever grateful to Barry McDonagh, and to Charlotte for introducing this into my life. 

Now please, begin your journey to recovery too, as I promise, that stage does exist. 

Thanks for reading Chicks, love Jessie x