The Dream Is Free, but the Work Isn’t

Dear Diary,

I woke up today with the realization that everything I had wished for when I was 19 will be coming true by the end of this year. I got married to the love of my life. I’m having a baby in 2 months. I have my own place to call home, where I can grow our own little family. I have a steady job. I’ve travelled the world. Everything that I was so stressed about and caught up in when I was 19, 20, 21… it all worked out. 

But more than just ‘it all worked out’, is that I made it work out . It’s true what they say about relationships and pregnancy- you see people’s true colours when you get married, and again when you have your first baby. Recently there’s been lots of family drama happening, and a phrase I’ve been hearing quite often is, “Well it must be nice to have everything work out for you.” 

I didn’t know at first why this rubbed me the wrong way. And then this morning I woke up from a strange dream and all I could think about was how yes, everything I wanted has happened. But it didn’t just fall into my lap.

Meeting my husband: You could say this was partially the luck of the universe. But it wouldn’t have gone past the first date if we both didn’t put in the effort to make things work. Coming from two very different families, different religions, different cultures and different expectations, our relationship had to withstand many obstacles, many compromises and many sacrifices. I made him a priority. And trust me, I’ve lost many people along the way. In a world where women are told to choose their friends and their ‘independence’ and their single life over a man, it felt like no one could ever truly understand why I would do everything in my power to make things work in my relationship. But it’s what I want to do .

Getting married at a ‘young age’: This in itself was a struggle, both financially and emotionally. I was beyond ready to get married. But again, the logistics, the social dynamics and the opinions of others were something I had to navigate through to reach the end goal. We didn’t have a huge fancy wedding, we didn’t get to do all the things we wanted. But we made it work because it’s what I want. It took years of saving, working hard and lots of organization to end up with the wedding we had. It didn’t just happen.

My career and my home: My husband and I worked hard, overtime hours, working multiple jobs. We wanted to set ourselves up financially, and set our future family up for an easier life. I chose a career that would allow me the flexibility of taking time off for my babies, yes. But it’s also a job that mentally and emotionally drains me every day. I don’t have the luxury of working from home or making my own hours. My husband works 60 hour weeks to make up for the time I’ve spent getting my degrees. We both worked exceptionally hard to be home owners before the age of 25. The universe didn’t just give me a home. We earned it. We worked for it. Getting pregnant soon after the wedding: I worked hard on my health for over 3 years. I weightlifted consistently, I took my supplements, I did my bloodwork, I made sure my body was as healthy as it could be to increase my chances of a natural pregnancy. Yes, I understand there is some portion of luck, or the universe aligning. But I also tracked my ovulation religiously. I cried, I stressed, I went through all the motions of seeing negative tests. Of the guilt from past choices, the feeling that my one purpose in this world was to be a mother. It didn’t just happen. It didn't just fall into my lap.

So yes, everything I wished for came true. But it’s because I made it come true.

And everyone that has made a passing comment about it seems to forget that they also didn’t offer any help, not even once.

B.