The Fallacy of ‘Turning Gay’

Now, the title may sound a little controversial, but hear me out for a moment.

Often, the idea that you can “choose” your sexuality is parroted by homophobes, with the

intention of dismissing those who are a part of the LGBTQIA+ community.

Being gay is not seen for what it is, simply a matter of who you happen to be attracted to,

rather something people could “choose” against. And that fallacy is a harmful one.

Whilst I may not be the best person to speak on behalf of the community, as I, myself am

heterosexual, and therefore, only an ally, I can, from my own personal experience,

demonstrate why I do not believe sexuality is a choice.

Though I am firm in my sexual orientation now, for most of my adolescence, I was constantly

in question. Ironically, as were those around me.

I’ve had fair few allegations of bisexuality thrown at me over the years, not that I am

complaining, as all the bisexuals I have met are really cool people, and I do seriously admire

people who are bisexual in general, especially during their navigation of the rise of biphobia

in recent times.

I think the reason for the ‘allegations’ was in part due to my very open, and unashamed

admiration of other women. For a good few years, I was practically obsessed with Florence

Pugh (though honestly, who wouldn’t be, I mean, it’s Florence Pugh, have you seen her?),

so much so it became an inside joke amongst my friend group at the time. I would also point

out to my friends any-time I saw a girl that I thought was attractive, usually as often as I’d

mention if I saw an attractive guy.

Putting all of that into perspective, it wasn’t out of the question for me, or anyone who was

around me to come to the conclusion that there was a possibility that I could be queer.

However, I think it’s worthy to note, that though the line may be pretty thin, bordering on non-

existent in most cases, there is still a line between recognising someone is attractive, and

actually being attracted to them. And, I would eventually come to realise I was firmly on the

side of the former.

One of the major things that made me realise this, was when a girl asked me out, at the

height of me questioning myself.

She was an absolute sweetheart, pretty too, and I still follow her on Instagram to this day,

but her asking me out forced me to truly, deeply think about whether I was attracted to

women or not.

I was fine with not really confronting it before, fine rolling with the inside jokes, walking the

line like it was a tightrope, even if I could kind of see I was tipping more to one side as

opposed to the other, because I had never had to confront it before.So when I allowed myself to truly sit down to think about it, I realised, any attraction I had towards women, did not go any further than aesthetic, and as a result, I realised I was completely straight.

This led to me rejecting the girl (In an unfortunately not-so-graceful way due to pressure from

my friends to do it on their time as opposed to my own).

But regardless of how the rejection went, it allowed me to realise something about myself.

Putting this into consideration, I think it’s proof for me as to why sexuality isn’t something you

can choose. No one can “turn” themselves or anyone around them gay, because if it were

possible, I likely would be bisexual.

Sapphic love is something I find beautiful, and I wish my attraction towards women could

extend beyond aesthetic (because truly being attracted to someone is much much deeper

than that), but that isn’t how it works, because it is not a choice.

Describing it as a choice is harmful, and reductive, and it affirms the belief that things like

‘conversion therapy’ work, because if someone could ‘turn’ gay, then hypothetically there

would be a possibility that someone could ‘turn’ straight, but there isn’t.

Love transcends choice, no matter how much some people may try to debate that.

So to my brothers, and sisters (and those across the gender spectrum) who are part of the

LGBTQIA+ community, who have been told otherwise, who have had something so intrinsic

to them completely reduced by those who refuse to understand, you are valid. Everyone

deserves sunshine, and that should never be up for debate.

And to my fellow allies, whilst we may not know exactly what it’s like, nor ever have to

experience the hardships that come with being queer, it is seriously important to listen, and

to speak up, and speak out about discrimination, because being supportive is so essential.

Happy Pride Month!

Written by, La’Keesha Stewart