Unrealised Potential

Have you ever seen something in someone that they can't see?

Whether that be beauty, intelligence, growth or the future. Both inner and outer shells. As much as unrealised potential is within others it is within you too. And don't forget in love too. 

Today I am going to talk about unrealised potential when you're in love.

When you fall in love with someone you see all the parts that they don't and even see past the bad things you would normally see in the people around you. You don't judge them for their past because you weren't there, as long as it is not brought into your present. You listen to their exciting goals for the future. And as we grow up, priorities change and they see the world differently as much as you do. 

Everything around them is bubble wrapped because that is what love does, you become blind in a sense. You see past some red flags, ignore a few comments and block out the outside noise. 

And as humans when we love something, we want it around either forever or for a while because who wants to lose something that makes them feel good? We won't want to change how things are because that is daunting and we fought so hard to get to this point so we feel there is a lot to lose. 

But that is not realistic in life because things do come and go. In order to grow and learn even though it is cliche, it is important to understand this and not suppress it. 

When we meet those people we picture our lives with them. We see beyond the present, excited to see what is to come our way.  We think about when we are seeing them next before we have even finished the time we are having with them. No time is enough. A day feels like a couple of hours.  Then feelings become deeper and your hopes become foundations as to how things are going to be. Answering questions about them and expecting them to follow through because you think so much of them. 

Meeting your friends, going travelling, bringing them home, there are so many scenarios that you can tick off.  As time goes on, you grow as people and you change. Or they could have always been that person, you just didn't know at the time. With bubble wrap around you and cotton wool over your eyes, what did you expect. 

It can be one of the worst forms of heartbreak when you see so much good in someone but they can't see for the trees what they have in front of them. You want to shake them to wake up but it is out of your control. 

I know many people who have had these what seems ‘perfect’ relationships and don't make it. It seems to be the biggest shock of the century. It all comes out that one person of the two couldn't pull their own weight. Which is always a good reason to never assume and idolise couples on social media unless you actually know them. Not only does it create an unrealistic expectation but a pressure to perform which is not even real. 

It is sad but in reality, the other person built them up into ‘this ideal person’ in their head and

influenced everyone's view on them too. Reassuring yourself you are not overthinking and this is what it is supposed to be like. Comparison, comparison, comparison. Especially hard when this is all you know either in first love or finding those repeat partners. 

Creating this ‘expectation’. An expectation they cannot fulfill and you will never know why. You know why really, it is because they don't see their potential in themself and with you. They say to listen to either your head or your heart, in this case it is your head. 

Many people get into relationships with people and don't realise the consequences until after. That love is a heavy emotion to carry, it isn't an easy feeling to brush off when it goes wrong. Heartbreak can affect the body in so many crazy ways and should not be taken lightly, and when you are with someone who doesn't particularly understand this it can make the hurt feel worse and lonely. 

Then comes to you leaving them and the other party realising what they had. Then it's too late.

It shouldn't take a break up to realise you had it good. Leaving you in a rock and a hard place wanting to scream "I told you so” and running back into their arms, comforting them. No. 

When we form these connections at the start we shouldn't romanticise them to a point where we settle, be picky. This person for some, is there to take care of you till you are old, sick, bear children with and a role model to others. Someone who is solely your best friend and on top of that being important to others. 

Lowering our own expectations only allows the other person to shock us and make us think: wow you aren't like the rest? Be shocked after dealing with the bare minimum that someone will never give up or even give you the chance to walk away. Not to live in fear to understand that isn't an option or to open that door. 

Having no expectations that they have to be this person you have in your head, helps ditch the expectations. And what another person might want in a partner, may not apply to you. Get to know yourself and to stay strong within yourself to know when you compare your relationship you aren't bothered that you don't have that thing they do. Purely because it isn't something you want or need in a relationship. For example some like to message during the day, some don't and some celebrate their anniversary going out drinking but you prefer a takeaway and movies. 

To fall in love with the least expected person, forming a connection that is based on trust, friendship and love. Those are important and should be the same for everyone. Everyone deserves those things. Anything more is a bonus. 

From my own personal experience I had a young love but as we grew up I didn't know at the time, I assumed we were on the same wavelength. It made us grow apart because we weren't on the same page and that's okay. I saw so much good in them that they couldn’t see and still do. It used to hurt at the time that they couldn't, but that wasn't my responsibility. 

They are the sort of people you would love to shake and make realise everything that is around them is good but when their head isn't in it, it's completely irrelevant. You aren't in the picture and nothing can change a apart from them. You feel like you know them until you don’t at all and if you don't, you wonder if anyone else does. 

You are completely entitled to want more, that's okay. Who doesn't want that whirlwind romance, cause I do? People have expectations because that's what they want and deserve, as they should.  They have them for many reasons, one majorly being because they have been wronged in the past and want to avoid it again. But meeting these types of people can make us feel like we aren't enough and that’s not the point at all.

Doing more for someone isn't going to make them love you more or make them owe you anything. It just lowers their respect for you because whether they know it or not, they know you will still be around after. It's completely in their control whether you think it or not. 

Always tell yourself the bottom line: you don't want something that is making you feel or think like it doesn't want you. 

Don't put someone on the pedestal if you aren't on it too, you deserve to be shown off and to have consistent love.

Not love that decides when it fits best so you have to make excuses in your head for who they are. 

Attract what only wants you.