You Should've Gone to Therapy, but Instead I am

I saw a quote saying: “you should’ve gone to therapy instead I am” and I realised oh my, I have never thought of it like that? Not only myself but others around me have had to make the choice to go to therapy to work through issues that others aren't willing to get help from. 

This is not to say that the people that should’ve gone to therapy are a problem, the only thing that's a problem is when it is passed onto another person. Having to carry burdens and even become triggered in daily life from actions that others have passed on is frustrating. It can become confusing for the person after moving on why they have certain behavioral traits and attitudes to the world. And don't forget the self confidence.

Many have gone to therapy to sort out problems that people should’ve solved through therapy instead of putting them onto them. Because no one was to blame and should not be brought into future relationships, being partners, family and friendships. 

And who's to say therapy is the golden ticket to being cured in the world. Finding the right therapist and therapy is difficult for smokers. The click doesn't come as fast as others. Some can't be as vulnerable as fast. It can be a lonely place when you are trying to do and be better but feels like a neverending whole. There are so many things that can help and there are lots of things that work for different people.

When we meet people we never know how much baggage someone has.  You don't get given a leaflet, a banner or a warning for their past or even what's in store for the future.  It doesn't determine who you are. Even the people in our lives since we were born, we are children who don't know any better than what we are dealt. 

Baggage, trauma and bumps are completely normal and most of it is inevitable. Most of the time it is not self-inflicted and is created from home life, friendships, lovers and so on. There are so many routes and things that happen that we can't control but what we can do is choose how we deal with them. Not only for yourself but for others around us too. 

You can have a friend or partner and as you grow as people and you start to see traits in them that you didn’t necessarily see when you first became connected to them that are influenced by their past or the present.  Sometimes this can lead them to project their insecurities and their traumas onto you without you even realising.  

Always remember you cannot compare people's life experiences because that is the most amount of hurt they have felt so they can't imagine what that may be like.  This can happen to a lot of people. It is common for a lot of relationships for a person to be left with toxic, manipulative, narcissistic behaviors built over time. 

When you are surrounded by it so much you pick up those traits too. When the person isn't dealing with their trauma they infuse it into their partner.  There is only so much you can do to help someone and sometimes they can refuse to take it which can be frustrating.You feel you can only hope they will wake up and realise. 

This can leave the other party having to deal with their problems when really it isn't them that should have to work through them because the person doesn't want to face it. There is working together and then there is only one party trying.  

There is a difference between someone being there for you and passing problems onto you.  Having people around you that care to take on these struggles alongside you are precious and most of the time we don't realise.  Making the right effort to make sure you know no matter how many demons you have is important to remember. 

Recognising these behaviors helps prevent passing it on. Everyone deserves help and to be heard no matter how little or large the amount of trauma we have experienced and is a blessing to have people push you to try to seek help in whatever form it is.