More Than Just a Conversation: Phone Calls and Neurodivergence

Hello besties,

Can we talk about phone calls?

Because for some people, a phone call is just a normal part of everyday life.

You need to ask a question? Call someone.

Need to book an appointment? Call.

Need to sort something out? Just pick up the phone.

Simple, right?

Except for some autistic people, it really does not feel that simple.

Phone calls can feel like a lot of pressure all at once.

You cannot see the other person’s face. You cannot read their body language. You cannot tell

if they are being serious, joking, annoyed, or just quiet.

You only have their voice.

And for many autistic people, missing those extra social clues can make conversations much harder.

One of the biggest struggles can be knowing what to say.

Before making a phone call, there might be a whole preparation process:

What do I say first?

How do I explain what I need?

What if I forget something?

What if they ask a question I was not ready for?

What if I sound awkward?

Sometimes the hardest part is not the actual conversation.

It is pressing the call button.

There can be so much build-up before the phone even rings. You might write notes, practise

what you are going to say, or wait for the “perfect” moment.

And sometimes that moment never comes.

Another difficult thing is the unexpected.

A phone call has no pause button.

In a text message, you can take your time. You can read it again. You can think about your response.

On a phone call, you have to respond immediately.

Your brain might still be processing what the person said while they are already waiting for

an answer.

That pressure can be overwhelming.

There are also the issue of phone call sounds themselves.

The ringing. The sudden interruption. The unexpected noise.

For some autistic people, this can trigger anxiety because it instantly demands attention and

changes what you were doing.

And then there is the ending.

How do you know when to finish?

Do you say goodbye now?

Are they about to say something else?

Was that silence normal?

These might seem like tiny things, but when your brain is constantly trying to work out the

“rules” of the conversation, they become much bigger.

Of course, not every autistic person struggles with phone calls.

Some people are completely comfortable with them.

But for those who do struggle, it is not about being rude, lazy, or not wanting to communicate.

Sometimes a text message feels easier because it gives your brain time to process.

It gives you control.

It removes some of the pressure.

So, the next time someone says, “Why didn’t you just call?” remember that for some people,

that small action can feel like a much bigger challenge.

Sometimes sending a message is not avoiding communication.

It is choosing the way communication works best.

Love,

Your favourite autistic bestie.