The Weight of a Woman's "No"

Men and women are treated differently when saying no.

The star of the hit HBO series, Heated Rivalry, Hudson Williams, was spotted in Paris in a confrontation with autograph seekers. He is seen attempting to burn one of the headshots the stalkers were asking to get signed, saying, "Guys, you just followed me to my residence," and calling their behaviour weird.

Fans on Instagram posts have been extremely supportive of his actions, with one fan saying, “Honestly, I support Hudson 100000%. He deserves the right to privacy and to be safe in his own home.” Hudson's setting boundaries and calling out parasocial fans has been widely praised by the online community.

Yet two years ago, the public reacted very differently to a celebrity setting boundaries. When Chappell Roan rose to fame, she made it very clear to fans and paparazzi that she values privacy; the internet erupted in hate. Fans were telling her that, as a celebrity, that’s something she simply has to put up with, and others were calling her narcissistic for simply having the audacity to set boundaries.

So why was the response to Chappel’s boundaries so different to Hudson’s?

You guessed it, sexism.

A woman objecting is seen as something that can be challenged or simply an annoyance, yet when a man says no, we take it as it is. A woman’s no holds, little weight.

A lot of the time, when a woman says no, it’s not the end of a conversation; it’s usually followed up with a “Are you sure?” “Just this once?” or “Why not?” Society has conditioned us to treat a woman’s no as a maybe.

Not only that, but the word no can be tough for women to say, oftentimes for safety. When approached by a man in a flirtatious manner, many women will not use a direct no, often using the excuse of waiting on a friend or saying they have a partner, as saying a flat-out no can be seen as provocation, and women have been assaulted or even murdered for less.

The dating scene has also become increasingly toxic. In a world where connections seem so readily available through dating apps and online sites, people are lonelier than ever. And the blame has landed on women. With the rise of conservatism and incel (involuntary celibate) culture, men see women as something they have a right to, further perpetuating this idea that a woman’s objection can be challenged.

The problem, however, isn’t just men that perpetuate these standards. As we grow up, we become conditioned to treat other women the same. Most children are more likely to challenge their mother than their father, even if both are equally involved in raising them. We then grow up with these ideals ingrained into us, and it can be hard to unlearn behaviours like this.

A woman saying no should be final, no ifs, no buts, no treating it as something to be challenged.

Written by, Nat Synak