Recently I’ve come to a little conclusion that I am in love with being single.
With dating I have felt a want to be on my own and only seeking what's best for me.
But wanting the whirlwind, happy and comfortable love.
Not forming surface level relationships for show.
Someone to step in and only be in competition with myself showing me they are going to better my life and I will better theirs too.
As someone who was with someone long term, all I wanted was to be with that person and then I had to decide to leave them and as much as I decided that I chose to be single doesn’t mean that it didn’t hurt any less.
Originally dealing with having to put myself first and them too, I made the decision to be on my own.
I have been single ever since, three years seems a while and to be honest it hasn’t felt like it’s been that long.
I have dated the odd person, but it’s absolutely nothing to the time I’ve spent on my own.
They have been very brief connections, very short lived and every time I’ve wondered why they’ve been so short?
Why have I never had those feelings?
I’ve come to a point where I just think I’m so happy being on my own and it is not a sad thing to say.
My happiness is so much bigger, brighter and bolder than it has been and it has taken me a long time to get to this point.
And to where I want to be on my own and I’m not seeking to be with anyone.
If someone miraculously falls into my life then I will never be cut off.
It is not that I have super high expectations as such and that I turn my nose down at people, not at all.
It is that I value my time and it is so precious and I would hate to spend time with someone who doesn’t see value in me.
I am quite selective on how I want to spend my time most of all out of anything and I’m conscious of other people's time.
Someone who makes me laugh till my belly literally hurts and I just feel genuinely happy with.
That I don’t have to worry about anything.
I understand that in relationships there are bumps which I learned in my last relationship and most of it was good which is why I always long for that back.
Just not with that person because they are certainly was not right for me and to feel and say that now is huge because if you had asked that to me a couple of years ago, I would’ve been like "yeah that person is for me".
But that person isn’t for me because they’ve shown me what love is and they definitely have shown me what isn’t.
I am always on a see-saw where I feel like emotionally I don’t think I feel like I am ready to be in a relationship but then I think I have not met the right person yet?
Because I thought that I was always ready for a relationship but recently the minute someone steps into my life, I step back.
Partly to do with putting pressure on myself to go out and do all these things just because "I’m in my 20s" and being single hasn't helped in the past.
Understanding that is not where I’m at right now and I don’t want to make myself feel uncomfortable by making decisions that I have made.
Linking to another blog post I just don’t think right now my journey is about love and it’s about focusing on being happy.
I think falling in love with being single is the happiness that I feel and I think when I fall in love with someone that’s when I’m happy, so why doesn’t it mean the same thing when I’m single?
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