What’s the best way to heal a question?
I’ve asked myself for many years.
People heal from many different things every single day.
There are so many things that people are dealing with on a daily basis that we have no idea about.
Every single day we heal from Demons that we feel we can’t say, it’s a sad reality.
In my case, healing for me has taken a long time and I don’t think that I have fully healed from a lot of things.
Even when I have thought that I’ve healed some things, something will happen and I am brought back to those initial feelings that I felt within that moment of that situation all over again.
The funny thing is that it looks different every single time.
Even though the exact thing hasn’t exactly happened to me, everything links in like a big circle.
Into the same feelings like heartbreak and grief.
Two completely different things, you would think but actually feel the exact same.
The feeling of not having a person around and the feeling of losing something, they have a relationship between the two.
Something that I am continuing working on.
When you’re healing, who knows what the right ways to heal are.
Some people for example, during heartbreak go out get drunk almost covering it up then some people sit in their feelings and end up worse.
Some just get up and keep themselves busy to the point where they can’t feel anything.
So what is the right way to heal and also the question is how long does healing take?
It is subjective to the person of how long healing takes for some they might get over that heartbreak in a couple of weeks or they might in a couple of years.
I felt this situation in my life years ago and now it triggers emotions when similar situations arise.
There’s no right way or wrong way to heal.
It’s recognising that you do need to heal which is the hardest bit.
Knowing it is not going to be a quick fix and that not everything happens overnight.
It’s normal to feel good for a little while and then crash or it’s normal to crash for a while and actually feel good for a day.
I think when we recognise that we are trying to process something bricks lifts off our shoulders and we realise you know what actually I went through something and it hurt.
And now I’m trying to get through that and by doing that, I’m not gonna beat myself up over it.
I’m not going to try and be everything to everyone.
I’m not going to go out and be wild because I think that’s how it should look like.
I’m not going to sit in my room and cry all day because I think that’s what it should look like.
What I am going to do is whatever my mind wants me to do and what I feel is right for myself to get me through.
This links with another blog: I am handling it well because I think we have this expectation of ourselves to know how we feel all the time and react to certain emotions.
To have it figured out with situations of how people should react is like a step by step guide.
It can be unfair to people and unfair to ourselves because if we were in that position how do you know that you would react that way?
Human beings are so complex and minds are even more complex that you can’t pinpoint how someone should feel until they’ve actually gone through it.
Opening your horizons up to think actually you know what, this person is keeping themselves busy that much because they don’t wanna think about it for little while to survive.
Or this person is so upset about a situation and has taken a week off work to sit around and think about it.
Healing is a very personal thing.
Personally I’ve always struggled with people pinpointing how long I should get over something.
I hate that people think we should get over something because of a timeframe.
I don’t care if it happened three years ago, it still hurts and even though I am over the situation the feelings are still there just my world looks a bit different.
I don’t know how to control those emotions because I don’t choose to think well because what happened really resonated with the heartbreak that I felt in the past?
At the time I got a lot of comments about how I should have someone to fill the void because that’s what everyone else is doing.
I should go out and numb the pain or put myself out there.
But actually healing for me is loving myself and getting to know myself like I have done and be completely, and utterly amazed by what I have to offer and knowing who I am.
Being comfortable with myself and not hating myself when I look in the mirror and sitting in my room on my own.
Taking myself out for food on my own and doing all these things on my own to now think that when I want a relationship that if they come into my life, I want them to better my life.
For a long time I couldn't do that.
People have said to me that I look like I’m quite lonely and ask me if I feel alone because I don’t have this person attached to my identity.
The people that say to me: don't you want a boyfriend?
I don’t look at them and take offence anymore like I used to because I look at them and think is that really how you view a relationship as something to avoid being alone.
For myself, I don’t mind sitting in my room and watching a film on my own, I don’t mind going on a walk on my own, I don’t mind going shopping on my own.
It isn’t an issue for me where you can really feel that it’s an issue for some people.
Everyone has their own insecurities which can be one of them and I would never judge them for it.
I will only ever judge myself for doing things out of character in my healing process.
As the years have gone by I feel like I am choosing to heal the correct way to heal.
Remember that no else has to live through you so make a decision everyday to mend yourself the way you want to.
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