Being an empath sucks.
Joking!
I’ve always thought that feeling intensively was a negative thing until recently.
When I realised that it’s not.
I never really knew that I felt so intense about a lot of things around me.
When I’m sad it takes over my whole body sometimes to a point where my body hurts and it takes over eating habits and makes me sleep a lot.
Whereas probably the next person could brush it off and deal with it later.
This was normal to me and assumed everyone reacted the same way when feeling sad emotions.
When people would tell me things about what they would be going through I felt it and would sometimes carry it with me as if it was my own emotion.
I never knew this until I got into my twenties.
When I’m happy I'm at an all time high, but then when I go back to a low point from my high, I just crash and crumble.
It feels extreme and uncontrollable.
Hobbies and interests have always been up and down as I will start something and then become obsessed with another thing and start.
Always jumping from one thing to another.
Throughout my life I have always found it hard to decipher between what I like, what I love, what I dislike and hate.
My emotions can change so quickly, including a lot of relationships and friendships where I am very black-and-white.
For example, I either wear my heart on my sleeve or I just don’t want to have anything to do with them.
This can make it very hard to form bonds and become very attached sometimes when I do create them.
Which is why I can only surround myself with people I am my truest self with.
If they don't understand that part of you or are willing to get to know you, let them go.
It's bad enough trying to navigate through your own mind.
From personal experience it is not worth the mental stress when someone isn't willing to understand.
POV: your worst nightmare is not knowing where you stand with someone.
It’s something that I wish I wasn’t like but then also I can’t change it.
When I felt too much in certain situations in relationships the wrong people have made me feel that I was "too much" because I couldn’t be in between or if I wanted to know if it was all or nothing.
Over time I have realised it is not a bad thing that I can feel these emotions and use them to help people.
It makes me be a person that is there for people and understand others whether I’ve not been in the situation or not.
It’s not a weakness because when I love, I love hard and when I care for someone I give them all the care I have.
I’ve always just wanted to be able to be cool about situations or people and be a "go with the flow" type of person.
There have been many tears shed and frustrating thoughts but at some point I came to realise this is normal for me and something I can't change.
I embrace it more now than I ever have thanks to my Mum.
After so much upset thinking of why am I like this, she reassured me it's a part of being a Rockett!
And that she has been like this all her life too and it’s cool to care and take life in so much but to be aware you feel like this.
I get to romanticise life, have a lot of passions, form amazing relationships and be myself.
The world I see around me isn't necessarily what everyone else sees and that's okay.
Having these traits doesn't make you a bad person and trust me there are many people exactly in the same boat.
They probably haven't said because you haven't asked.
There will be many people who feel exactly the same but won't mention it because it is always looked at and felt as a negative thing.
To be able to feel so intensely is a super power and to embrace it always.
Only because the people in your life previously haven't understood you doesn't mean you don't deserve to be understood.
It's hard but we can reassure each other that it is better to not feel at all.
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