I am handling it well, they say.
Am I supposed to walk around with puffy eyes crying?
Am I supposed to be screaming?
Am I supposed to be sitting indoors all day thinking about it?
Or am I supposed to be putting all my problems out on the internet for everyone to see?
What is the way to handle sad events in life or bad news?
The answer is: however you want to!
I understand when people say "you are handling it well" as a way to make you feel better but to myself it makes me ask so many questions to myself.
Everyday is different.
One morning you may be greeted with a song reminding you of a certain time.
A perfume scent might bring you back to the day.
Many things can happen within 24 hours and knowing that how we feel can change at any point.
The pressure to react a certain way and seeing how you feel, doing whatever you want to do is the main thing.
"You shouldn't rot in your bed", "don't be too busy", "try to talk about it".
All great pieces of advice but if it isn't suited to you it makes you question what should I do?
Compared to what feels right for you.
It is hard for people to understand your brain and how you feel when they haven't gone through the hardship you are going through and even better sometimes we don't too!
To let people be and do what they need to do to survive the day but at a distance, where they know you are there.
Sharing certain parts to people gives you different perspectives, meaning some friends just get it.
Some people don’t but that doesn’t mean that their views aren’t just as important.
Some people around us are good for different reasons.
One might understand completely and you feel like someone understands you and can reassure you from experience.
Whereas the other person who doesn’t relate can be a good distraction and take a new viewpoint on it.
Both are just as important as each other.
Everyone deals with things in different ways.
If that means being in bed or staying busy everyone has to respect that’s how you will deal with things.
If it’s a part of survival and it works, then it works.
During hardships you are allowed to have moments where even the smallest thing might just trigger and make you upset and make you think you don’t have to have it together.
Guess what we aren't supposed to!
Allowing yourself to feel, is better than bottling it up and trying to disguise that you are okay (don't forget it's a really brave thing to do).
In the long run it will be easier to heal from things.
When there isn’t a handbook to tell you how to be or a timeframe for when things will get better it can be frustrating.
It’s hard to see things getting better but trust in time and that time is the best healer.
It is one of the worst pieces of advice but actually is the best advice that anyone can say to you.
I remember my Mum said to me that if you just get today over with you’ve survived another.
And tomorrow, even if you don’t realise it will be easier than it was yesterday, even if it’s just one percent.
It’s like having a bowl of rice and just taking a grain of rice out everyday and some days, you might be able to take a handful or a scoop.
Every day is different and then one day it will just click and it will just be in place and you’ll look back and think after thinking that suffering wouldn't end.
That it did.
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