Missing someone is one of the worst feelings to have.
The feeling of no control seeing that person and nothing else will fix it without them being there.
I have suffered many situations of missing someone from loss or missing someone from purely choosing not to have them round anymore.
Here are the two types and how I have navigated through them.
The first is having the power to choose someone not to be around anymore makes you feel like you’re beating yourself up.
Like you are making that decision every single day to not have that person in your life.
You’re making that decision to not ring them, text them and to choose not to know.
You know not having them back in your life is the best thing to do for yourself.
Having that self-respect to do so, but then also understanding this is what it takes to get my happiness back.
Even though I had such happiness with that person.
Missing someone that you know is very much alive is a crazy concept because you kind of want them to message to let them know that they are thinking of you or missing you as well and the feeling is reciprocated.
But if that person doesn’t, it’s a sign of respect.
A sign that they know that this wasn’t working and now we have to depart and even though we miss each other, it wasn’t right, it wasn't the right timing.
We weren’t right together and I think sometimes things can change.
You can miss someone and it can create feelings and a realisation in one party or maybe both parties to think oh well, actually I don’t want to feel like this and we are actually better together.
There is that side to it and that is such an amazing rare situation.
On the other hand, missing someone with grief is a drowning feeling.
It’s a feeling of no control and a lot of people love to feel control within their lives.
Grief is something that is so hard to decipher and work through when you are missing that person because you might come across a funny moment where you wanna share it with them.
Any good times you wanna sit and chat and update them on life and you know you can’t do that is one of the most heartbreaking feelings ever.
Finding a way to almost feel like you have had that conversation or you have them around is such a difficult thing to do.
Some may have somewhere to go to talk to them in spirit.
But for a lot of us we don’t have anything, we just have the memories, the laughter, the jokes, the songs and movies.
Anything that reminds you of them and the memories that we have to hold onto.
If I could give anyone advice about missing someone in grief, it is to talk about them because I don’t know why I’ve always felt that I can’t really talk about the people that I have lost in my life.
I don’t wanna upset someone or make someone feel uncomfortable because they know that they aren’t in this world anymore and even acknowledge that they are gone.
Even though I just wanna say oh do you know today I watched this movie and it makes me laugh because me and my grandad used to watch that or today someone had the drink that my grandad would have or oh my God, there in the chocolates that Papa would eat his favourite ones.
I think sometimes because we don’t know what stage of grief people are at, we don't wanna detract from that journey by saying anything about them.
We don’t want to make them feel worse or bring up any sort of feeling that they’ve tried to get over.
I’m not saying that this is the same for everyone, but I’ve just felt that in my grief journey and missing my grandfather figures.
Within time I realize it’s better for me to talk about them as if they’re here and bring them up in conversations with people who don’t even know that they’re gone as it makes me feel like they’re still living on.
Because I’m bringing them up and that at the end of the day I don’t wanna forget about them which I would never anyway but to keep them alive within me.
I will say the things so off guard that they would say, or do the things that they would do, and as much as I miss it helps missing them because I think if I am missing them it’s because I don’t feel like the here anymore, so if I keep them present things in my life with them involved, it doesn’t feel so bad.
Everyone deals with missing someone really differently and I think it’s not a bad feeling because I have felt that within relationships it is a bad thing to miss someone in romantic relationships.
It just shows that you have love for them and that it’s nice to be missed.
When you go away and you come back or you’ve been gone for a little bit and someone has missed you and is happy that you’re back, there’s no better feeling.
I think if you can’t communicate that you miss that person there’s something missing within that relationship because there isn’t a mutual feeling of this is how I feel and communication with dealing and missing each other.
Someone struggling with grief I want you to always remember that they are always a part of you whether you like it or not.
If it makes you upset about missing them, it means that the love and the memories and the laughter that they made within your life meant so much that to not have that any more actually causes pain.
You are lucky to have someone like that in your life.
You have been given experiences to feel love and to feel happiness with someone and that that is going to be with you for the rest of your life.
No one can take away the fact that you miss them because at the end of the day they meant something.
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